Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Hmmm...Almost Didn't Post This Pathetic Rant From 2007...



All I've been able to think about is how no one came to my defense.
 
I realise it's a selfish, ego-driven, most likely damning way to be, but I can't help but think: "What if Brad had said, 'Hey, Tomyko, Chris has dedicated his life to art, studied abroad, has about a jillion books on art history - maybe we should give his opinion some weight.'"
 
It didn't happen though, and my poor choice to include rum in my diet Coke fueled an angry reaction to her dismissal of my opinion, and her audacity to bring the anti-papist Dan Brown's ill-informed ideas into my home.
 
I wish I had supportive friends. Friends who would at least appreciate the efforts of my artistic ambitions, if not the actual art. But I don't have those type of friends. I seem to be surrounded by people who almost relish bringing me down a notch or two whenever they have an opportunity.
 
There's no point in wallowing in self pity about it though, or in blaming what I think anybody else did or said. The thing to do is get pro-active, look hard at myself and discover the reasons for my reaction, and find people that have similar difficulties and viewpoints as mine, and who are positive about life and all it's mysteries, and can help me become a better person.
 
It's a big, big world, and I love it. It has given me so much to smile about almost every single day. I will be able exorcise the memory of that fateful minute on Friday night and remember the good hours that preceeded it in due time.

A List From 2007 - Things I Didn't Like


Sweet Jimmy Dean sausages, it's snowing. Snow and cold, and my new sod. I hope it survives. Kind of bums me out, watching the snow fall on my sod. I have high hopes for picnics and campouts on that sod - it is wonderfully comfortable to lay on, and smells great!
Thoughts about some things I don't like...
 
1) Hooters: The restaraunt. I hate this incredibly thin attempt to sell me bad wings by attempted manipulation of my libido. It's embarrassing being a male when you're dragged into the place by friends who like the experience. 
 
2) Strip clubs: See above. I like naked women as much as the next guy, but I don't like them trying to earn dollars by copping a squat in front of some brainless schmuck who could be denying his children groceries so he can take a peak at some bimbo's boobs.
 
3) The Designated Hitter: Come on already. Baseball players are supposed to hit the ball and then run around the bases. They get paid millions for it, so all of them should get off their asses and earn it. 

4) Dentists: Okay, I don't really dislike dentists, but I do dislike having to go to see one. Why can't teeth be made of something impervious to harm like rhino horn material or granite or something like that?

5) People Who Don't Recognize A Deal: Everybody likes a bargain, but it amazes me everyday when I meet people who do not recognize one. If I am selling the single lowest priced 4x4 truck on Autotrader within 300 miles, what in the name of Sam Hill makes you think you can come over to look at it with a flat-out mean attitude expecting me to lower the price by a grand? Did you not hear me when I said the price was set? Did you not read the words in the ad that explicitly stated the price was firm? Why waste my time ? Don't tell me you never pay full price - you paid $60.00 to fill up your Explorer, just like anyone else with one. 

6) Sports Injustices: Steve Garvey should be in the Hall Of Fame. For a decade he was the best at what he did. The very best, without steroids or supplements, just hard work, dedication, and love of the game.

7) Overzealous Clerks: Is it possible to just look around? I'm in sales, I understand that there are sales managers who think harrassing a customer gets the deal done, but I'll bet dollars to donuts that they would run away from just such a salesclerk. C'mon, leave me alone! I'll ask for help if I need it, promise! 

8) The Intolerant Liberal and the intolerant Conservative: Preaching tolerance and understanding while labeling anyone who doesn't agree with their viewpoint as racist, fascist, stupid, or fill-in-the-blank-phobic. Just because they swallow every bit of misinformation and propaganda the popular press shovels down their throats does not make them knowledgable or informed. 

9) Conspiracy Nuts: Please, please leave me alone. I don't care to hear theories about how the Republican Party staged 9/11, how the Democrats are manipulating the media, who really killed Kennedy, or how the Jews control the money supply. Really.  
 
10) The R.V.: What possessed me to go in on this deal? I must have been out in the sun for a particularly long time when this offer was put on my plate. I would rather get rid of this beast than lose twenty pounds!
I suppose I better get off my butt and get productive. Saturday morning is almost gone and I haven't accomplished a thing. Where's my to do list?

More About The Vegas Trip In March 2007


I drove straight back to Vegas from San Diego, stopping only for fuel (I didn't have to get any food, as Joe had made me a whole Pizza to take with me - it was delicious, too!).
 
I got in around 1:30 am or so, which was late, but still earlier than Jeff and Dan - they were at a poker tourney at the Mandalay Bay casino until 2:00 am. Jeff won $500.00, which, Jeff explained, covered the $400.00 dinner he & Dan had earlier in the evening ($285.00 wine bill - I'm beginning to think Jeff may have a wine problem - I know if I was spending that kind of cash on wine, it'd be a problem).
 
Friday morning Jeff, Dan, and I headed over to the tennis courts at Bally's for a tennis lesson (as opposed to, say, a fencing lesson) - I hadn't played tennis in twenty years, so I wasn't exactly overcome with enthusiasm for it, but what the hey, I could use the exercise.
The lesson was given by a woman of sixty, maybe sixty-five, who was as energetic as an eight-year old hopped up on caffiene fortified Mountain Dew. She was a retired professional tennis player who had once made it to the quarter finals of the U.S. Open, and though she didn't have the game she once had, she was still a very, very good tennis player.
She smoked my ass is what I'm saying here. Three hours of tennis, and she didn't break a sweat. I was all done in.
 
After tennis we headed back to the house. Jeff and Dan were still a bit tired from the night before, so they both were opting for naps. However, before jeff took a nap, he barbequed a few brats for lunch for us, and we sat around chatting for awhile. I told Jeff about my side trip to the abbey, and he got a little chuckle out of it - which I expected and accepted as an appropriate response all things considered.
 
I went to the gym to soak in the hot tub while Jeff and Dan napped. Evie had gone off to see a movie (Blades Of Glory, which she said was very funny). I had pretty much the same experience at the gym this time as previously - the hot tub was free of people though, which was nice - I didn't really want to sit in a hot tub full of cologne and perfume wearing posers.
 
When I got back to Jeff & Evie's it was time to get dressed - we were all going out to dinner with Peter and Darcy at Delmonico's at the Venetian. I put on the best clothes I brought and we were off.
 
Delmonico's is undoubtedly the single best restaurant I've ever eaten at. From the appetizers to the dessert, every single scrap of food was delicious. And the wine...oh my God. Peter's wine mentor is the Sommelier for Delmonico's (the Sommelier for Delmonico's is actually a Master Sommelier - there have only been 128 Master Sommelier titles awarded since 1976, so that is a pretty heady designation). We were served wine from four different areas of the world, and a true Spanish Sherry that was just incredible. I was overdosing on sensation, I swear.
 
Time flies when your having fun, and that night was no exception. We had sat down in the restaurant at 9:30 pm, and we didn't leave until 1:00 in the morning!
 
The next morning Jeff, Evie, Dan & I all had a great breakfast together. Then I had to get on the road back to Denver - over a week away from work, and I knew I would have a ton of catching up to do. I was right, and I still haven't caught up yet. But the trip was worth every minute of overtime I'm now putting in.
 

Vegas Trip In 2007


Vegas amazes me every time I visit, and I visit two or three times a year. Last October I was stunned at all the new developments in North Las Vegas, this trip I was stunned by all the developments in South Las Vegas - they never seem to stop building casino's!
That's one of the reasons I don't gamble much - Vegas isn't being built with contributions from winners.
 
Jeff and Evie were as usual the most gracious hosts ever. The first night, Jeff & I went to the Wine Cellar in the Rio casino. Peter, a friend of Jeff's I had met a few years ago, is the Sommelier for the Wine Cellar, and he treated me and three other friends of Jeff's (Ed, Brett and Darcy) to some absolutely terrific wines.
 
I think I would have to be drunk already to spend more than $20.00 on a bottle of wine, but let me tell you something - I seriously considered buying a $485.00 bottle of wine last week - it was that good. It was, if I remember correctly, a 2003 Screaming Eagle.
 
We also sampled a Harlan red, and two other wines - one a 98 pointer from Spain that was wonderful, and another red from Napa that I cannot remember the name of. My, that sounds so wine snobby!
 
All of it on the house - man, do I love knowing Jeff!
 
I saw the Monty Python show "Spamalot" Wednesday night, and also paid $28.00 for a hamburger at the Wynn casino. That's right, $28.00. For a hamburger. It was a very, very good burger.
 
Thursday morning, Jeff had to pick up his brother Dan at the airport. I figured Jeff & Dan would want to spend a little time together, so I decided that it would be a good idea for me to shoot down to San Diego to pay a visit to my Mother and maybe see my sisters Theresa & Kathy, and their respective families. I hadn't actually seen my Mother in a few years, and though she is reluctant to speak to me, it was actually high time I did go to see her.
 
Stating that my Mother and I do not get along is akin to stating that the world is a large round ball of dirt. My Mother has been dissappointed in me for going on twenty years - I'm not a Preist, I married outside the church, I divorced, went to art school, etc. - anything and everything I've done with my life has pretty much been wrong in her eyes.
 
Still, she did what she could to raise all of us right, making sure we stuck to school (at least through High School), and doing her best to instill some values into us. Most of the friends I had from the neighborhood I grew up in are strung out on drugs, in jail, or dead, so I have to give her credit for the job she did.
 
Seeing her was a bit of a trial. And tribulation - 'can't have trial without tribulation. Between teasing me for lack of a career in art (she harped on me for "wasting all that money going to art school for nothing". Ouch.), and questioning me relentlessly about why I really came by to visit (my Mother refuses to believe I just wanted to visit with her - she always insists there must be some other reason I came by), and myriad other small jibes. I barely held my tongue. I did manage to tell her I love her and that I was glad she was my mom, but when I left she was still taking digs at me.
 
I stopped in the new restaurant to see Theresa & her husband Joe, and their two children, Adriana and little Joey. Little Joey's not so little anymore though - he's 5' 9" at the age of twelve!
 
My niece Brittany, sister Kathy's daughter, was at the restaurant too, so I was able to see her as well. Kathy was working, so I missed her this trip - I couldn't afford to wait around much longer, as I wanted to be back in Vegas at a decent hour.
 
I'lll write about the rest of the trip later. I have to get moving on the lists of tasks I drew up this morning.

More About The Sod, Possibly From 2006


I love my sod. I went outside early this morning and walked barefoot across it, allowing the dew-covered blades to tickle my toes.
 
It was heavenly.
 
The back yard never had any coverage to speak of - just dirt, some weeds, maybe a few valiant blades of grass trying to make a go of it.
 
But now, now there is sod. Of the highest caliber. Grass as dense and fine as anyone could ever ask for. I feel like I live on a golf course now. And not some ordinary, run-of-the-mill public course either, but a high-fallutin' private course. Sweet.
 
That, of course, has got me worried. Worried about bugs, fungus, drought, and the dreaded lawn blight. Worried about lawn blight. Does a real man worry about lawn blight? Probably not. I have become less of a man, due to more of a lawn.
 
But man o' man, what a gorgeous lawn it is. Or rather more appropriately, area rug of lawn on my backyard of dirt.
 
What really makes it special is the work required to make it happen. I didn't actually grow the grass, but I lugged the sod around and have been nurturing it for what, a week now? That's worth something right there.
 
That's right. I'm a sod nurturer, and damn proud of it.
 
On another note, I was finally able to get a booth at the Brass Armadillo. John and I put the Thomasville dining room in there last night, and today I will load it up with a ton o' stuff to sell. Yay!

The Last Post Of 2006


I can't sleep. I have tried counting sheep, masturbating, reading, and even a little exercise, but nothing seems to work. I suspect my brother the Grill Sargeant's spicy, spicy chicken. I may have to resort to rum & coke.
Six interesting things I know:
1) Jon Bon Jovi briefly played bass for Scandal before he had his own band (1981)

2) Neil Young's father is in the Hockey Hall of Fame (as a sportswriter)

3) Rick James and Neil Young were in a band together in the mid '60's (The Mynah Birds)

4) Paul McCartney makes about a million dollars a day from royalties (he owns copyrights to over 3,000 songs), and is worth over a billion.

5) I play guitar worse than John McEnroe. (That's not something I wish I didn't know, that's just me facing up to reality).
6) I really don't like Neil Young, though all my hip friends do.
What is it about cheesecake that makes it irresistable? I want some cheesecake right now, but I don't have any. And the problem with that is, to get good cheesecake I would have to go to one of three trusted restaurants (Cheeecake FactoryDardano's. amd Zizzo's) to get it, and none of them are open. I will not go to King Soopers or Safeway for cheesecake.
Dialogue I like from Breakfast At Tiffany's:
Holly: You know those days when you get the mean reds? 
Paul: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?
Paul: Sure.
Holly: Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that'd make me feel like Tiffany's, then - then I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name!
There is a song by Kelly Sweet in my head that I can't get rid of. I willl have to track it down on the net and listen to it over and over and over and over...
I never got Star Trek. I have friends who are obsessed with that show - it bewilders me, and if you've ever been bewildered, you know how....What is it about that show? Uhura is hot, but the stars, Kirk, McCoy, Spock - are all very wooden and somewhat comical. I find it hard to watch an episode of that show without laughing.

All the stuff I liked in 2006:
Favorite book read that year (should have been read for the first time in 06 but does not need to have been published that year): Sacred Causes: The Clash of Religion and Politics, From the Great War to the War on Terror by Michael Burleigh. I I really liked Phillip Roth's most recent novel too.

Favorite album heard/purchased that year (does not have to be released that year): Robyn Hitchcock Ole! Tarantula

Song of the Year (Paul Westerberg): Right To Arm Bears

Song of the Year (other): Panic! At The Disco, The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage

Favorite magazine: Modern Drunkard

Favorite Movie: Casino Royale

Favorite televised moment:

Drama: The introduction of Connie Nielsen as Detective Beck on Law & Order: SVU. Something about strong women gets me all goose-bumply.

Comedy: The claymation hallucination episode of My Name Is Earl with Christian Slater as a burned out stoner.


Favorite pop radio guilty pleasure: Steady, as She Goes The Raconteurs. Yeah, it's contrived and all, but it sounds so much like Split Enz it takes me back to my misspent youth.

Favorite YouTube contributor: TheDrugstoreArchives
Okay, now i'm getting tired. Must be the rum & coke. l'm going to go to bed, and try to get some quality slumber time in.
Before I hit the pillow though, I leave this last quote:
"Now, the making of a good compilation tape is a very subtle art. Many do's and don'ts. First of all you're using someone else's poetry to express how you feel. This is a delicate thing."
Now name the actor and the movie.

More About Sod From 2006


The sod adventure has grown to near over-whelming proportions. As noted in the first blog entry, I assumed would be procuring just a small sample of the football field turf, as a novelty of sorts, something I could point out to friends and claim as being the very piece of turf where rookie quarterback Jay Cutler lost his cookies, or something like that.
 
However, after delivering all the sod that sister Patti wanted to her home, I discovered there was a lot of the stuff left for the taking, so instead of a small bit, I ended up with five truckloads of the stuff.
 
Five freakin' truckloads. That is a lot of sod.
 
Fortunately for me, I can actually put the five truckloads to good use, as I do not have much to brag about in the backyard at all, just a lot of weeds and dirt.
 
Unfortunately for me, it also means a whole heckuva lot of work. Just getting all the sod into the backyard was backbreaking - each roll weighing anywhere from 125 to 150 pounds. I'm not a lightweight by any means, but I'm now inclined to believe that toting 60 rolls of sod would qualify as one of those World's Strongest Man stunts that ESPN2 has on at 3:00 in the morning.
 
My neighbor Rob came over when I was starting to unload the last truckload,which was very much appreciated. Brad, John, and Tom showed up after we finished - yes, the minute the last roll was off-loaded, those three show up, beers in hand, chock full of advice on what I needed to do to prepare the yard.
 
Rob, John and Brad all actually had sod experience, so I did heed what they had to say. Fred, the neighbor with the most enviable lawn in the neighborhood, came over too with advice as well, but as he moved into a home with a lawn to envy, he really didn't have much to contribute.
 
The first order of business, it was decided, was to rototill the area I was going to sod. So John and I got out the rototiller (purchased 3 years ago for $80.00 at a hardware store's clearance of rental equipment - it has rototilled lawns at John & Brad's, my sister Patti's old house, Carl's house in Thornton, and even Carl's parent's house in Chicago - and now, finally, mine), and set about getting it operational.
 
Fresh oil, gas, and then setting the depth adjustment guage...except the depth adjustment guage was broken. Oh well, how important can that be? I'd just eyeball the depth of the blades...
 
Right. I had to wrestle that stupid depth-guageless rototiller like a wild bronco. Took me a good eight hours to get the job done, and I think I lost twenty pounds - which triggered the idea of marketing rototilling as a weight-loss routine. I could see it clearly in my mind, legions over overweight people plowing up their backyards with depth-guageless rototillers. Of course it soon hit me that it would have to be available in pill form somehow, as it seems actual physical activity is shunned by those who want to lose weight.
 
The rototilling done, I collapsed in exhaustion on the deck steps, barely able to hold the cold Coors Light in my hand, much less get it to my lips.
 
 I had to rest for almost thirty minutes before I had the energy to clean up.

A Post From 2006


Whoooo-Hooo! This is the first of a thousand entries from me on this here Internet Social Media dealio. And all of the entries will be smart, funny, fearless and a true joy to read.
 
Or maybe not. This entry could be the exception, as I really have zero time to write anything - I have to get down to the stadium - I was due there 24 minutes ago. Have to pick up a ton of sod for my sister Patti.
 
Yes, the thrill-a-minute life I lead is about to kick into high gear once again! Another day of lifting heavy things and sweating! Yes!
 
Maybe I can get a few square yards of sod for myself. I could put it in the backyard, water it regulary, tend it carefully, keep the dogs off it. Then I would have a very nice plot of Mile High turf to admire everyday, and brag about to friends and family!
 
Friend: "Hey Chris, that is one nice plot of grass over there in the corner".
 
Me: "Oh that? It's nothing, just a rare hybrid of super drought and wear resistant Kentucky rye and bluegrasses that brings a smile to my face when I look out my window and see it's lush and green blades bending in the gentle wind"
 
Friend: "Uh...riiiiiggghhhhtttt."

A Rant On Failed Predictions Post From 2007


"If you could be the age you are now, but in another decade, what decade would it be?" 
 
Interesting question. Maybe the later part of this century, as I would love to be around for the year 2099. If only to see if all the dire predictions come true. I'm fascinated by predictions - I have a number of books from the seventies that predicted calamity upon calamity for the human race by the year 1999. None of them came remotely close to occuring.
 

I've never seen any of the predictors held accountable for being wrong. My favorite off-the-mark predictor is Paul Ehrlich, he of The Population Bomb. In 1972 he said that Americans born since 1946 would have a life expectancy of 49 years, due to smog and DDT, that hepatitis and epidemic dysentery rates would go up 500%, and that a permanent drought would hit the Midwest, turning it into a desert. In 1975 he said that most ocean fishes would be extinct due to pollution. In 1977 he stated that annual fish yield per capita would be less than 1/2 that in 1967 (annual fish yield per capita as recently as 2004 is a little higher than 1967 due to increases in Aquaculture/Fishfarming technologies), and that fifty million people a year will starve.
 
He was (and is) so far off the mark he couldn't get a job with Channel 9 weather, yet he still is regarded as an expert on population and ecology.
 
I get a special kick out of the general, or broad category predictors. These are people such as economist Herman Kahn, who stated in 1974 that by 1985 "...over 70 problems of various kinds may cause a technological crisis."
 
Can a person employed to build a statistical model that would indicate where tax dollars should be spent to prepare the government for adequate responses in times of crisis be more vague?
 
Yeah, it's an odd interest, but it keeps me laughing. Back to the question.
 
I would love to be in my forties at the turn of the next century. I love this point in my life - everything still works okay, I have learned how to manage my resources, and I have enough. If I could have the same circumstances about 90 years from now, when we're all jetting around in flying cars and eating lunch made from phytoplanktons, I think it would be grand.
 
I have no desire to go back in time though, as I can get all of the past I want from books and movies. There are certain interesting characters from the past I would have loved to have known, but heck, there are certain interesting characters alive today that I would love to know, but I have to satisfy my curiosty like everyone else, by reading about them or watching them being interviewed on the tube.
 
5 Little Things That Mean So Much:
 
1) Not wearing shoes.
2) My coffee cup that is the size of a funeral urn.
3) Mo, the fat cat.
4) Indoor plumbing
5) The first moments awake after a great dream when you still think it was real.

A Walk In The Rain From 2007


John dropped me off after we left Jose's, at close to 1:30 am. I wasn't ready to go in the house just yet, as I had been wanting to take a walk in the rain all day. I had no sooner started to walk around the block, enjoying the chill of the rain as it pelted my head, when a police car came around the corner and slowed down as it passed me.
 
The car stopped, and the officer behind the wheel trained the big spotlight on me. I stopped and looked at the car and waved. The cop rolled down the window and asked if everything was alright. I replied yes, everything was fine, I just like to take the occassional walk in the rain.
 
I couldn't see the expression on his face, but he must have been satisfied with my response because he said "Have a nice evening", shut off the spotlight, and drove on down the street.
 
I continued to walk in the rain, thinking that maybe I should go back for a heavier jacket because it was a little colder than I thought it would be, but I didn't heed my own advice and turn around to go get one, I just kept walking. I figured it was only a mile or so down to Garrison and then down and back up via Florida to Hoyt. 
 
It had been raining on and off all day, and I had been wanting to take a walk in the rain for awhile. I had intended to go for a walk to Addenbrook while it was still light out, but John had called and invited me out to BW3's with Holly & Laura, and since I had not eaten since dinner the day before, I jumped at the invite.
 
BW3's is not exactly a step above Hooters in terms of food quality, but the beer was as good as any other place, and the company was nice. We went to Jose's afterward and met up with Tyler, Bridget, and the I've never-had-an-artist Colleen, but that's a story in itself that will have to wait for another day. 
 
As I walked around the block I took in all the changes going on in the neighborhood. There seems to be quite a bit of ambitious landscaping activitiy underway - maybe rain makes people think of lawns, flowers, shrubs and trees a bit more than usual.
 
The rain was comig down pretty steadily as I walked towards Garrison, and the reflection of the streetlights in the myriad little potholes created what looked like little crash-landing UFO's all over the road. I stopped and looked at the water rushing in the flood control canal, and was amazed how clean it appeared. I think all the trash and debris must have already been flushed along by the heavy rains last week.
 
I heard the skizzzzhhhhh of cars as they hurried to get home. I imagined there were a few people behind the wheels of those cars that were in suspect condition to drive, but I hoped they would all get home safely, to people or pets happy to see them.
 
I headed towards Hoyt on Florida, then decided to walk past Hoyt and on up to Kipling. I was feeling good from the beers I'd had - a good, not weighty buzz that didn't dull any sensations. I decided to walk along Kipling and look at the rain hitting the resevoir.
 
My shoes got soaked as I walked through a few deeper-than-I-expected puddles. I didn't care too much. My feet began to squish-squish-squish in my shoes as I passed by the reservoir. I stood and watched the rain rat-a-tat-tat the water's surface, and I looked around for a small rock to skim across. I found a few, but I was too far up the embankment to get a good skip going.
 
As I stood looking at the water, an older woman bundled up in a Morton's Salt girl raincoat walked passed me on the bike path, with two little dogs that were also wearing little Morton Salt girl outfits. It was a very surreal moment - I mean, it was two- thirty or so in the morning, and raining, and this woman had to walk her dogs. I said "Good Evening", but she just kept her head down and walked briskly along, tugging at the dogs as they tried to stop to check me out.
 
I walked down to the corner of Kipling & Mississippi, keeping an eye on the occassional cars flying along the rain-soaked street, briefly imaging one of them hydro-planing out of control and careening up the embankment to plow into me.  
 
As I turned the corner at Johnson Way, I became aware of how cold my feet were. Fortunately it was only about 200 or so yards to the house.
 
I rolled up the garage door and was greeted by the frenetic tail-wagging of the happy dog and the curious stare of the big cat. I rolled the garage door down and turned on the light, plugged in the heater, then sat on Tom's chair and removed my shoes. My feet were all wrinkly from being incased in cold, soaked shoes.
 
It took about twenty minutes in front of the parabolic heater for my feet to feel normal again. I had taken off all of my clothes by that time, so I was naked in the garage with the dog and the cat. I noticed the clock and it was nearly three o'clock. It was time for bed. I got up to go in the house and discovered the door to the house was locked. Bummer. Tom locks that door occassionally, for whatever reason.
 
The only key I had on me was to the front door, which meant I would have to put on my cold, soaking wet pants and go out in the cold rain to go through the front door. Bleah. I picked up the pants, then decided to hell with putting them on, I'd just roll up the garage door, dash naked around to the front door, and get inside as quick as I could. I figured I could do it in 10 seconds or so.
 
It was three in the morning, and the chances of anyone seeing me had to be a billion to one. So I rolled up the door, ducked out and rolled it back down in one motion, and dashed around the corner of the house key in hand. As I shivered from the cold, trying to get the key into the lock, of course a car drove right past the house. I had the door opened and was stepping inside as it passed, so I don't think anyone in the car could have seen me, but the thought that I might have mooned or flashed someone at three am had me laughing as I made my way upstairs to bed.
 
I toweled off and jumped into bed, too tired to put on my pjs.

Poetry from 2007, Painting of Tami Toops From 1991


                                      Chris Bakunas, Watercolor of Tami Toops, 1991

I'm feeling every minute of my life tonight
 
The happiness of every smile that's graced my face
 
Is reflected in the glass of my bedroom window
 
As I gaze out in hopes of rain
 
I'm tasting the lips of every lovers kiss
 
That I've ever known
 
I'm hearing the promises of undying devotion

I'm wrapped in the arms 

Of every hug forever
 
All the I'll-never-leave-you's are ringing in my ears
 
The warm embraces, the gentle caresses
 
Cascading over me like an entire ocean over Niagra Falls
 
Every hand in mine, all the echoes of laughter 

Bouncing off the walls
 
The sparkling eyes that promised a love forever
 
The quiet exhilaration in the joy of knowing
 
That somewhere, somebody, someone 

Promised to never
 
Leave, forget, stop, neglect 

Give up, quit, abandon, reject

I'm feeling all the love ever shared with me
 
I'm feeling all

More From 2007 - This One's A Hoot



I'm sure I've been this tired before, but I can't recall when. Sometime after a forced, 100 mile march or something.
 
It's very difficult sitting down and preparing to write all Bohemian like when every muscle in the body is screaming "Sleep, you freakin' moron, get some sleep!!"
 
The thing is, I can't sleep. I've tried, but I just lay awake staring into space, thinking about...nothing really. Nothing I can put my finger on, anyway.
 
I tried eating, as food usually does the trick for me, but that hasn't really helped. Now I'm just full of pasta and can't sleep.
 
I sometimes wonder about all those lost hours I've spent not being able to sleep, and not being able to actually be productive. What if I could reclaim those hours and put them to use? Maybe I could write a great novel with those hours, or at least clean out the garage. Smart money is on cleaning out the garage.
 
 HERE'S TONITE'S TOP TEN LIST


Top Ten Ways I Could Use Those Lost Hours Of Productivity That Were Spent Staring At The Ceiling:




NUMBER TEN
 Help Billy Ray Cyrus compose comeback single.


NUMBER NINE Build paper-mache replicas of Mo & KC


NUMBER EIGHT Finish going through all my junk I'm planning on throwing out, and actually throwing it out.


NUMBER SEVEN Weed through my wardrobe.


NUMBER SIX Write amusing short stories that I could sell for big bucks to the New Yorker magazine.


NUMBER FIVE Finishing the drywall in the lower level


NUMBER FOUR Figuring out what the big cat is chewing on


NUMBER THREE Vacuuming


NUMBER TWO Writing letters of complaint to the Lakewood City Council about the screwed up No Parking signs in this town.


And The Number One Way I Could Use Those Lost Hours Of Productivity That Were Spent Staring At The Ceiling: Texture and paint the damn ceiling (It really needs it)

Man, I'm hungry again. And I really need to sleep. Maybe cheese is the answer...of course it is! Cheese is always the answer!

After Returning From Seeing My Mom In 2007



My mother looked like a fragile, new-born little bird as she lay there, her arms covered with splotchy purple and red bruises from all the IV's and needles that had been inserted for tests or to supply nutrients.
 
It was without a doubt the most difficult moment of my life. My sister Patti was in tears, barely able to stand. Mike and Theresa stood quietly to the side. Tom was outside smoking a cigarette, Kathy, who had been attending to my mom nearly every day, was at work.
 
My mother was too weak to get up, and talking to us was clearly a strain. I just kept running my hand over her head, and told her I loved her.
 
My mother looked at me with her translucent blue eyes and told me she loved me, and that she was happy I drove out.
 
Later, as Tom, Mike, Patti, Theresa and I sat outside in Theresa's backyard, all I could think about was how happy I was that I came out to see her. 
 
My mother is very weak, her health fading more each day. We have no idea how long it will be before she is gone - the Doctors really can't tell us anything. Tom and Patti are staying in San Diego for at least another week. I have too many responsibilities here now.
 
 I will miss my mother.

Well, that's a bit melodramatic.

From 2007, The First Real Scare With Mom's Health


 My Mother could be dying. I am trying to come to grips with that fact.
 
My brother Tom is leaving for San Diego today. The plan was for my sister Patti and I to go to San Diego Wednesday, but we were told that it would be best if we didn't wait so long, so now we will be leaving Sunday afternoon.
 
   I've been dealing with the reality of my Mother being very, very illl for about three weeks now. It has had me in a precarious emotional state, to say the least. I've been able to function well at work, but my life at home has been a mess. I've snapped at Tom, Brad, John, my sister Patti, just about everyone.
 
   All because I may be losing my Mother, and I do not know how she feels about me. How she really feels, whether or not I was a good son, or if I was a bitter disappointment.
 
   Questions keep running through my head, questions of doubt and inadequacy. Why? I did my best by anyone's standards. Hell, by the standards of the neighborhood I grew up in, I am Bill freakin' Gates.
 
   I know, from a detached, pragmatic POV that what my Mother wanted me to do with my life was not reconcilable with my true nature, but I have dwelled on it for years, and now it's reached an apogee of sorts.
 
   I talked with my Mother on the phone this past week, told her I love her. She told me that was nice.
 
   And that's how it's been since I was about 15 or so. I tell my Mother I love her, and she tells me that's nice.
 
   Now I am going to go to San Diego to see her for what could be the last time. I know I will probably not hear the words "I love you son, you have done good, you have made me proud", and I know it will be devastating for me.

   As of today, 07/18/2012, my Mother is still with us.